They must be stopped or say goodbye to western civilzation

jackedUPjazz

Nothing less than the fate of western civilization hangs in the balance. So unless you like eating grubs and pooping in the woods you will join my quest to stop mybook and spaceface or whatever the hell they want to call it.

We used to be vigilant against all perils. Now, all the forces of evil will have to do is simply drive into town and set up camp because you dildo's will all be checking your bookface pages to see if they want to be your friend so you can increase your self esteem a notch or two.

Damnit this is what happens when everybody plays every game and everybody wins a trophy. When I was growing up there was a place for everyone on the team alright, it was called the bench. And if you sucked that is exactly where you stayed all season long.

But I digress, the reason for my little rant is my email provider just converted everybody to this stupid setup with all these networking craplets and whatnots. I don't want to know if you are online, I don't want you to know if I am online. I don't want to connect to your Mybook page, I don't want to be your buddy I don't give a damn what your vacation pictures look like if I am not in them. I just want my elfin email.

Somebody stop the world and let me off because no good can come of this.

Get over yourselves people, nobody gives a damn.

That is all

Doofy

On the other hand, that Bobby Timmons album sounds great!

Dr. Mutex

Somebody stop the world and let me off because no good can come of this.

My dear jackedUPjazz,

Assuming I was willing to fire up my black heart machine and stop the earth, you would need way more delta-v to get off the stationary earth and avoid being pulled into the sun than you would if I left the earth alone. So you're best off jumping off the ride while it's going, so to speak. In addition, the earth wouldn't stay stopped, it would fall into the sun, which would spoil most people's day. You'd have to catch me in quite an angry mood to have me go along with such an idea.

Yours always,
Mutex

mommio

Excuse me. I need to check my Facebook page to see what my peeps are up to.



JK

Nereffid

Wait a second... I thought western civilization had already been destroyed by Boy George back in the eighties...

amclark2

No, it survived the eighties to be destroyed by hipsters in the naughts.

cafreema

I always thought Disney had taken over western civilization and leased portions of it to Clear Channel, Wal Mart, Ikea, and the National Football League.

Craig

jackedUPjazz

Tuned in to the news last night to see if the revolution was going to be televised.

This just in. All the networks are pimping free advertising for Steve Jobs who has apparently created a new device which is completely and totally useless for anything constructive but thin enough to fit into the crack of your ass without giving you panty lines.

Sighhhhhhhhh

mommio

JUJ, I have always thought of you as being many years younger than I, but darned if you aren't sounding like someone who is much older than I. And that would be pretty damned old. Are you an old geezer, or what?

selfrisinmojo

Steve Jobs who has apparently created a new device which is completely and totally useless for anything constructive but thin enough to fit into the crack of your ass without giving you panty lines.

I still get all giddy at the idea of being able to carry over a hundred albums in my pocket on something that costs less than ten dollars and is roughly the size of a raccoon’s penis….. I don’t own anything to play them on while I tote them about, but it’s still freaking unbelievable. Anybody who has ever carried a large number of LPs from one place to another will understand.

Note: comparisons are not based on empirical data

BigD-Bluez

I personally have never been that closely acquainted with a raccoon's penis. How does it compare empirically to say a rat's ass?

amclark2

Judging strictly by the difference in size (of the animals that is), I'd say, empirically, that's one sorry ass rat.

BigD-Bluez

Not if it's Ratzilla, otherwise known as the Gambian Giant Pouched Rat, that's pouched not poached for any cajuns in the audience, coming your way from the Florida Keys, fresh from the Discovery Channel. Maybe he could plug that well. Ratzilla by the way is on MyFace. Don't take that the wrong way.

jackedUPjazz

I still get all giddy at the idea of being able to carry over a hundred albums in my pocket

I wonder how many barrels of leaking gulf oil each one of those devices will hold

Are you an old geezer, or what?

Dagnabit you kids stay off my lawn

selfrisinmojo

I wonder how many barrels of leaking gulf oil each one of those devices will hold

fair enough...my satire obviously had a flat

jackedUPjazz

fair enough...my satire obviously had a flat

There's no crying in satire and sarcasm.

Never ever ever ever concede the point just keep making ever more bizarre assertions until the thread collapses into a giant black hole of freakishly outlandish deviancy so dense that it holds logic and reason captive for the rest of eternity.

Something like:

If Steve Jobs had been drilling holes in the Gulf of Mexico instead of making useless technoware maybe the hole would have been small enough to fit into my shirt pocket with my tunes.

And then give us some nice tunage to check out

selfrisinmojo

There's no crying in satire and sarcasm.

my flat satire somehow caused the subject matter to swerve across lines I'd rather not cross; do not mistake my tears for those of concession, they are for the waters i played in every day as a child and for the innocent victims who really don't give a swimming shit about technology.

on the subject of raccoon genitals, there are some in these parts who do not take this subject so lightly.According to legend, when the weather cools and the hunters 4 wheel into the forests-camouflaged and armed with firepower accurate up to a mile, a hideously masked,furry devil the locals call "Fat Samson" is said to taunt these "sportsmen" with his frighteningly large physical endowment. There have been hushed whispers of some being robbed of their innocence by this boa 'coon while answering a call of nature; these reports have not been confirmed.

jackedUPjazz

Though I did not take note of his genital size I once got phucked big time by a raccoon that had taken up residence in my roof.

It cost me a grand to evict that little bugger the first time and five hundred when he returned for an encore performance.

For this reason I no longer like raccoons and now consider them targets

Katrina

Awww, a raccoon in your roof? The horror. We had a squirrel stomping around for a few months and that was bad enough. How the hell did a racoon get up there?
I don't want to know
When we lived out east, it was a constant battle with the trash cans and getting the bungee cords on the lids JUST RIGHT so the buggers couldn't tip them over and strew trash all over the yard. I did feel sorrow for the mama raccoon when her baby got hit by a car. I threw the baby's carcass over to the side of the road so she wouldn't get hit, too.