Whores at Applebee's: My life in small-town Kentucky

Now that our tiny town is allowed to serve alcohol on Sundays, apparently we're about to get a new restaurant with a liquor license cradled in its arms. Don't know who it is yet. I can't imagine it won't be some kind of focused-group pale shadow of a watering hole that corporations vomit out every fiscal quarter, but I guess it'll be up to me and my kind to make it the kind of place we want no matter what ownership's mission statement says. I fear it will be an Applebee's. The Applebee's in Danville, apparently, is packed all weekend long. Danville, like us, is considered 'moist' (save your jokes, losers); alcohol service only where food is served. Kinda lame. These little towns are just dying for a neighborhood tavern that's been here as long as they've been serving bourbon. Apparently in other towns nearby, the Applebee's is where the pay-to-play ladies hang out. I guess that's a hopeful sign. I guarantee that wasn't in the Applebee's HQ operational plans.
Also, I found a new liquor store up north, in the next county up, and the guy is trying to specialize in all kinds of neat unusual beers. For this area anyways. But he wants to have feature breweries with tastings, hard to find stuff, same ideas that places in Chicago like Binny's (I miss you, Binny's) would do. See? More hope.
The leaves are showing off their colors. This'll be my first autumn in Kentucky.
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Comments

  • That's it. I'm starting a band and naming it "Whores at Applebee's."

    Craig
  • Don't forget to mention my book when you're on tour.
  • (save your jokes, losers); alcohol service only where food is served. Kinda lame.
    I don't have any jokes. Kansas still has stupid liquor laws. The metro areas were able to serve what they called 3.2% beer. No wine or liquor, just beer. In the 70s-80s, the bigger Kansas counties got around the liquor-by-the-drink obstacle by with saying they were private clubs. The hot dance spots were charging insane membership fees, hundreds per year. Most places were around $25. I do believe all these "clubs" had to serve food. Then the national chains came to town (remember Chi Chi's Mexican?), and all the clubs became reciprocal with their memberships, and the memberships somehow became free after time.


    I still remember standing in line waiting to be seated at restaurants and folks from out of town being told they couldn't order drinks. You couldn't apply for a "membership" if you didn't have an ID showing a local address, or had to wait 10 days or some horsepucky. I've blocked some of the details. A local would always step up and let them in on their "membership", but still. It was ridiculous. The restaurant staff had to go through the motions, or they could be closed down. The out-of-towners were always incredulous at the twisted, screwy laws.


    Maybe 5-6 years ago, the urban counties in Kansas voted in to have liquor sales on Sundays. Western Kansas, I believe, is still mostly dry and not even moist. It's still dumb. I have to go to a package store to get wine or liquor. I can buy that beer in a grocery store. Across the state line in Missouri, they have easy one-stop shopping. Kansas cops used to sit on state line and arrest people bringing over Sunday liquor from Missouri, but some guy fought it and they don't do that any more.
  • jonah - You'll get your due!

    Craig
  • If you put "Cr" in front of it that about sums it up for me. The one in our neighborhood used to be a Lead Lobster before - renamed for the teenage gang shooting at the place rather than the food quality.
  • I don't have any jokes. Kansas still has stupid liquor laws. The metro areas were able to serve what they called 3.2% beer. No wine or liquor, just beer. In the 70s-80s, the bigger Kansas counties got around the liquor-by-the-drink obstacle by with saying they were private clubs. The hot dance spots were charging insane membership fees, hundreds per year. Most places were around $25. I do believe all these "clubs" had to serve food.

    I think Utah might still be that way with the private club memberships. When the Olympics were in town, most local hosts were embarrassed by the membership cards visitors would have to fill out to join in order to drink. When I lived in Denver, I remember the 3.2 was still the Utah thing. In Denver, you could drink out on Sunday, just couldn't buy it at the stores.
    It's amazing to me that I live in a county surrounded by some of the oldest bourbon distilleries in America, and I can count the number of liquor licenses on one hand in my town.
  • I used to live in Atlanta, which was the first place I'd ever lived where they sold beer and wine in grocery stores, but they couldn't sell on Sundays. They'd just turn the lights off in those aisles at midnight Saturday, and if you forgot and brought some to the register after that they'd remind you (usually with a shrug and a "don't blame me" look) that it was Sunday. In most ways, Atlanta and the rest of Georgia are so different they might as well be on different planets, but the blue laws lived on. You could buy a drink in a bar or restaurant on Sunday, but liquor was only sold in ABC stores and those were always closed on Sunday. I moved five years ago though, so I don't know if any of that has changed.

    Never lived in or near a dry county, and never wanted to.
  • One of my sisters lived deep in the heart of Alabama until a couple months ago. It was an interesting place to visit, but we had to drive about 35-40 minutes to a different county in order to find a Fridays that could serve beer. And that was a recent development - they didn't even have taps. Had to fill out a form telling them that I was a heathen and all just to get a bottle. Think I still have the membership card.

    The liquor store she'd go to didn't have much of a selection. Being from the Philly area she asked if they ever carried Yuengling. The guy said he didn't have any Chinese beers... Humorously they did end up stocking it for her and it became popular with the locals.

    I've been spoiled by Jersey's fairly lax alcohol laws. The only things I really have to deal with are no hard liquor sales after 10 PM (at stores that is) and nothing before... maybe noon on Sundays? Can't remember. Also the 2 license limit for chains - that's why a lot of grocery stores don't carry anything at most locations.
  • I've never been near Kansas or any dry/moist states in the US, but this reminded me about licencing laws here in the UK about 25 years ago. On Sundays, lunchtimes and between 7-10.30pm were when the pubs and bars could serve in most of England, parts of Wales, Scotland and N Ireland were dry on Sundays, other days of the week tended to have more liberal licencing laws. There's since been a slow opening up towards drinking all hours. Off-licence sales would also be restricted to the pub opening times usually too, some wouldn't sell any booze on Sundays though.

    When there were tougher restrictions, in most cities if you were local, or with locals, you could usually find some store that would sell you alcohol out of hours, the shelves with booze on would often be blocked off but there was a way to get what you wanted with the right nod and a wink.

    Nowadays there are numerous local bars in London that I can get a drink at virtually any hour of whatever day of the week it is. Hopefully for those who want to have a drink on Sundays in Kansas and similar places you'll catch up in far less than 25 years.

    What's this got to do with music? I guess that most live music still sounds good after a few drinks, or so I'm told!
  • I'm in horse county, and people raise cattle around here, too. I drive down country roads and highways, and in between me and large colonial homes are long swaths of grassy fields with horses, cows, and sheep grazing on them. In Chicago, we had dogs that got loose, alley cats, raccoons and rabbits acclimated to city life, even the occasional possum. But not farm animals. I mean, these things are huge, and they just walk around. I feel like I should call someone. Dial 3-1-1 and say, hey, I'd like to report a stray cow. I think somebody lost a horse; it's just wandering around eating grass. Some animals got loose from the circus. As a kid, when we'd travel, the animals at passing farms would elicit all kinds of sound mimickry, and well, who am I kidding, even as an adult, I still mumble a moo under my breath when I see a cow. But back then, it was an unusual sight to see farm animals. Now, I'm within walking distance of fields dotted with bales of hay, and there's cows and horses everywhere. I don't think I'm ever going to get used to it.
  • edited November 2009
    who am I kidding, even as an adult, I still mumble a moo under my breath when I see a cow.
    Well, you'll probably stop mooing under your breath after a few years.

    Hopefully for those who want to have a drink on Sundays in Kansas and similar places you'll catch up in far less than 25 years.
    I am not sure Western Kansas will pass these laws even in 25 years. Kansas was the first state to pass a prohibition law. A former Kansas attorney general raided an Amtrak train for serving liquor by the drink in the 70s, before it was legal in Kansas.

    What's this got to do with music?
    Nothing. It's in an off-topic category/thread.
  • Ah, but what a beautiful sight. When I was a kid, we would drive from Indiana, through Bluegrass country, on to southeastern Kentucky. I thought the Bluegrass region was like a fairyland - stone fences, white fences (yes, most were white back then, but I think I like the dark ones better), lots of green grass, horses (and those cute foals) grazing in the fields, trees arching overhead, large colonial homes - and I would daydream about being able to live in such a place. I still think it is incredibly beautiful, but I don't have daydreams of living in one of those places these days. It is becoming increasingly more difficult for any U.S. citizen to do so. So many of the farms are now owned by people from Europe, Asia, and Africa.
  • It just occurred to me that it's December 9th, and I've only seen snow once, and that's even barely, just a dusting of powder that welcomed me as I came down the stairs at dawn and was gone before the sun took its lunchbreak.
    People around here are complaining about how cold it is. It hasn't sunk below thirty yet. It is obvious that my new hobby is gonna be making fun of people who complain that it's cold.
    Today, it feels like Spring. Wind blowing hard, hint of rain in the air, but plenty of sunlight for my cats to lounge in.
    I don't think I'll ever live anywhere with as nice of weather as Denver had, but this is shaping up okay.
  • Currently in Minneapolis/St. Paul: 10 degrees, wind gusting up to 34.5 mph, blizzard warning in all surrounding counties.

    Whoo!

    Craig
  • edited December 2009
    It's not cold enough for me to complain about the cold. I was out in 27 degree weather with a fleece jacket, no lining. Had a dental appointment this morning. It wasn't cold, but the wind gusts of 45 mph were hard enough to make driving a little touchy. Also hard enough to keep us out of the yard because there are still a few "loose" branches left over from February's ice storm and 2 of them are now on the ground. Now that got cold -- we were without power for 5 days, and the house got pretty darned cold. I resorted to buying a sleeping bag for the last couple of nights, which allowed me to finally get some sleep.

    The only truly bad thing about winter in Kentucky is too many gray,overcast days in January/February. I begin to wonder if there really is a sun, and I'm so glad to see the crocus around the first of March because that's my sign that I survived the winter. Oh, yeah, there can still be cold and snow, but spring will soon arrive.
  • If you do hook up with one of the girls at Applebee's, I bet they come with an appetizer and dessert. I would go with the Cheese Quesadilla Grande and Triple Chocolate Meltdown®.
  • edited December 2009
    Currently in Minneapolis/St. Paul: 10 degrees, wind gusting up to 34.5 mph, blizzard warning in all surrounding counties.
    Now that's what I'm talking about. That's a winter to complain about.
    The only truly bad thing about winter in Kentucky is too many gray,overcast days in January/February. I begin to wonder if there really is a sun, and I'm so glad to see the crocus around the first of March because that's my sign that I survived the winter. Oh, yeah, there can still be cold and snow, but spring will soon arrive.
    Take that and multiply by at least three and that's the bleakness of a Chicago winter... a real winter. That ice storm you had last year, tho, was pretty bad.
    If you do hook up with one of the girls at Applebee's, I bet they come with an appetizer and dessert.
    It does put their whole 2 for $20 promotion in a new light, huh?
  • It sleeted here in Southern Louisiana last Friday night, with just a little sticking to cards and roofs. From the anticipation, you'd think it was going to snow 6 inches. Then again the ground wasn't cold enough and locals have trouble driving well in dry condition.
  • Well, I've actually switched my heating off for the last couple of days since the thermometer outside my window said 21 C. I want snow for Christmas!

    As for licensing laws, I'm not even sure what they are anymore. Pubs and bars close at 3 am, shops open at 6 am and if you're stuck in between, there's a local shop owner I know who hands out his business cards to regulars - you can call him 24/7 and he will deliver your poison of choice.
  • Well, I've actually switched my heating off for the last couple of days since the thermometer outside my window said 21 C. I want snow for Christmas!

    As for licensing laws, I'm not even sure what they are anymore. Pubs and bars close at 3 am, shops open at 6 am and if you're stuck in between, there's a local shop owner I know who hands out his business cards to regulars - you can call him 24/7 and he will deliver your poison of choice.

    Whereabouts do you call home? The 3am-6am dead zone sounds like Chicago back in the day, but its changed a bunch since then.
  • I'm in a commuter town just outside London. The licencing laws were changed here to stop rowdy behaviour at the old 11pm 'chucking-out' time, the theory being that people would stagger their leaving times and stop fighting in taxi ques. Well, they stagger alright, all night and morning. I think that shop owner has lost a lot of business too.
    Oh, and I'm pleased to say the heating has had to go back on tonight.
  • my office is closing at 4:30 due to snowy roads! oddly enough I enjoy driving in snow. I guess being from here (upstate NY) will do that to you.
  • @ amclark2
    Excellent! Well, perhaps not for you, but they say that any extreme weather round your way arrives here two to three weeks later - snow for chrimus after all.
  • I don't mind the snow so much - in December - it beats all the rain and mud we've had lately. In March though I will be sick of it.
  • I prefer the snow to rain also. It tried to snow again today, just the slightest dusting of snow, flakes easier to count than jelly beans in a jar. The sun wasn't cooperating and blasted 'em before they touched down.
  • My 2.5 year old was trying to count the flakes this morning, but they were not that easy. He got to 7, but I'm not sure how exactly he picked which ones to count.
  • @Muggsy--Atlanta is still the same. You can't buy a sixer of beer on Sunday to take home and watch the game, but you can go to a strip club and get tanked out of your mind, and then walk (or drive) down the block to a massage parlor for a happy ending.

    Most of the suburbs don't have anything that resembles a bar--liquor licenses require something like 65% of the revenue to come from food sales. Absolutely insane.
  • With all those restrictions do you guys ever brew your own? Or do you stock up in advance?
    I remember when I was a kid, my folks distilling ordinary vodka to make it stronger, using a weird glass contraption connected to the kitchen tap and heated over the stove. They would then use it to make a fruit liqueur for Christmas. It was much in demand within the family and apparently delicious.
  • As far as I know, distilling is illegal here, although it seems like the places with the most restrictions tend to have the most moonshiners and bootleggers. In New York the restrictions are pretty lax, and I don't know of any bootlegging or moonshining to speak of here. A coworker from Kentucky told they still have bootleggers there to run things in and out of dry counties.
  • Just moving from Massachusetts (where liquor laws are stricter) to North Carolina, I have no clue why private distilling is still a problem. Perhaps it's still profitable in the mountain areas near Tennessee and Kentucky, and over time it has become a part of local customs and tastes. It's just funny, because it seems that liquor is cheaper and more readily available.
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