THINGS I HATE HATE HATE!
(1) Right-wing assholes in cowboy hats who pose like they have a stick up their ass sideways and sing about trite pseudo-truisms as if they have some sort of special insight into the human condition to impart on the rest of us.
(2) Overuse of Autotune, especially by whimps that cant sing Im looking at you Owl Shitty!
(3) Flaccid, smoothed over R & B Quiet storm? Storms are supposed to rage either start raging like a real storm or shut the hell up!
(4) Modern compositions that rely on random jarring sounds to create the sense drama. Is that awkwardly placed CRASH-plink-plink ..CRASH-plink budda-budda-budda-budda-BOOM! (with the last part always played on the kettle drums) supposed to represent alienation in the modern world? It might have worked 60 years ago for the first 10 composers while the average folk fearfully watch the skyscrapers being built, but now its just lazy and unimaginative. To me it sounds like I when accidentally knock over the silverware drawer, and it elicits the same annoyed response on my part.
(5) Alt-grunge-corporate-indy douchbags with sensitivity on parade what made Kurt Cobain great was his ability to convey depth of feeling without sounding like hes busting a gut. The most of you guys sound like David Clayton-Thomas sitting on the pot the morning after a visit to the all you can eat burrito bar.
(6) Timid raciness incense, wine and candles what the hell is so kinky about that? Also, obvious raciness of the level akin to a kid going nuts with using of the f-bomb, the first time he discovers he can get a rise out of all the adults in the room. If youre going smutty, either make me laugh, or astonish me with your creativity.
(7) Eclectic Musicians the ones that steal a motif or a riff from various other musics only to slick it up, water it down, and then apply it to their own uninspired compositions. If you are labeled eclectic, its usually meant as an insult (cf. damning with faint praise)
(8) Wordiness for wordiness sake - you are not Dylan ok? Youre not Neil Young or Elvis Costello either. So take a clue from miles Davis that less is oftentimes more. Worst offender Elvis Costello.
(9) Bad Photoshop art on album covers. Ok, I realize that with the rise of digital music that album cover art is a lost art form. But you know, we still look at your album art to see if the album might look interesting enough to actually listen to. If what you put out looks like anything any newbie is able to make with Photoshop 5 minutes after first learning to use the program, we will not be impressed even if there is a naked woman involved there somewhere.
(10) Any album with more than two guest stars.
(11) Bad Pop with a Twang, which brings us full circle.
(2) Overuse of Autotune, especially by whimps that cant sing Im looking at you Owl Shitty!
(3) Flaccid, smoothed over R & B Quiet storm? Storms are supposed to rage either start raging like a real storm or shut the hell up!
(4) Modern compositions that rely on random jarring sounds to create the sense drama. Is that awkwardly placed CRASH-plink-plink ..CRASH-plink budda-budda-budda-budda-BOOM! (with the last part always played on the kettle drums) supposed to represent alienation in the modern world? It might have worked 60 years ago for the first 10 composers while the average folk fearfully watch the skyscrapers being built, but now its just lazy and unimaginative. To me it sounds like I when accidentally knock over the silverware drawer, and it elicits the same annoyed response on my part.
(5) Alt-grunge-corporate-indy douchbags with sensitivity on parade what made Kurt Cobain great was his ability to convey depth of feeling without sounding like hes busting a gut. The most of you guys sound like David Clayton-Thomas sitting on the pot the morning after a visit to the all you can eat burrito bar.
(6) Timid raciness incense, wine and candles what the hell is so kinky about that? Also, obvious raciness of the level akin to a kid going nuts with using of the f-bomb, the first time he discovers he can get a rise out of all the adults in the room. If youre going smutty, either make me laugh, or astonish me with your creativity.
(7) Eclectic Musicians the ones that steal a motif or a riff from various other musics only to slick it up, water it down, and then apply it to their own uninspired compositions. If you are labeled eclectic, its usually meant as an insult (cf. damning with faint praise)
(8) Wordiness for wordiness sake - you are not Dylan ok? Youre not Neil Young or Elvis Costello either. So take a clue from miles Davis that less is oftentimes more. Worst offender Elvis Costello.
(9) Bad Photoshop art on album covers. Ok, I realize that with the rise of digital music that album cover art is a lost art form. But you know, we still look at your album art to see if the album might look interesting enough to actually listen to. If what you put out looks like anything any newbie is able to make with Photoshop 5 minutes after first learning to use the program, we will not be impressed even if there is a naked woman involved there somewhere.
(10) Any album with more than two guest stars.
(11) Bad Pop with a Twang, which brings us full circle.
Comments
I've been meaning to ask - how do you recognize Autotune? Most of the music I like isn't always on pitch -- or else I don't have good ears to recognize when it's on or off.
Craig
2. While we're on my pet peeves, strained rhymes/non-rhymes make me cringe. "Christmas Eve in Washington" is a particularly egregious offender and I unfortunately live in the DC area where it's on the radio 20 times a day during the Christmas season. It's a good thing a special tool is required to remove the radio in my truck, because every time that song comes on I want to rip the radio out and throw it out the window.
3. Recognizing auto-tune: If you feel inexplicably nauseous, that could be the cause. Seriously, though: Used as intended by its creators, auto-tune sands all of the variations off the singer's pitch (okay, the amount of correction is adjustable, but a singer that needs it needs a setting that will remove any presence the singer is able to muster. Then there are the auto-tune abusers. Simple formula: Turn the correction to 11, the attack time to next week, and deliberately (giving benefit of the doubt) sing off key and stretch the words out. This causes a very audible pitch shift: I-a wa-aawnt to-ou sa-ae... Note that a good singer could produce this effect without any electronics, though most have the sense not to. This wah-wah generally substitutes for original/creative/interesting lyrics. I'd go through 7 radios a week if I listened to the stations that play that crap, special tool or not. Yeah, one of my pet peeves too.
The problem E.C. has is that he doesn't always know when play a phrase cool, or when the wordplay is excessive. There's a line between brilliantly witty and self-consciously clever, and he crosses it regularly - and when he does, prepare to duck.
You're right about his followers - many of them are absolutely cringeworthy.
I have the similar urge concerning Owl City as you do for "Christmas Eve in Washington", except I want to drive 60 miles south and give the guy a serious beating in person. Good thing I'm too lazy.
Elvis Costello came out as Declan McManus, and it's been pretty much downhill ever since. I think I gave up after he committed the lines :
to which the only reasonable reaction is "No they $*@# don't, why are you being so silly?"
Now in the second set of verses he starts off: I don't have a problem with the vintage wine verse, but even if I did I'd forgive it for the sake of this verse.
to a Real Double Dutchess....
I'll have to say that I've enjoyed what little I've seen of his current TV show.
RayRay23
Maybe the reason is that you are a human being, not a "thing" ? - ;-)
I want to punch all those people in the mouth.
On a more positive note, the snow's falling here in bluegrass country. Very pretty.
But the real turning point for me, I suppose, came when someone played me the Brodsky Quartet record. Dire, dire, dire.
Hey Frog,
Thought you'd like to know you've been quoted as a model of correct use of the American vernacular vulgar. I'm on a language message board, and a foreign student posted a question on the meaning of the phrase "a stick up one's ass." I posted the above quote as an example of proper usage. So you know, keep up the good work.
Anyone want to buy a house in south Minneapolis?
(Yes, I know I'm being callous. I don't care.)
Craig
Sounds like somthing from a song.
Among the things that no longer arouse me to fury are :
Johnny Halliday
Johnny Cash
Johnny Rotten
Jane Fonda
Joan Jett
Gerry Marsden
Joe Jackson
Janet Jackson
Georgie Fame
Janacek
Johnny Paycheck
Sister Playchick
Shirley Temple
Bad driving
Good driving
Deep-sea driving
Doner kebabs
Digital drummers
Dogs
Earwigs
Euphonia
False witnesses
Bald beavers
Dammed Yanquis
Cycle-helmets
Sickles
Hammers
Porridge
Hawaiian guitars
Public hangings
Piles
Pile-drivers
on the other hand, I can get slightly irritated by estate agents who want me to sell my house even though the market's way down, and, unaccountably, C
James Bond deep-sea drives and he rules, ergo, deep-sea driving rules.
Craig
I have'nt quite made it to 60 yet, but I'm damned close.
Things I don't hate as much as I used to:
Michael Bolton
George Michael
Boy George
Barbara Streysand
Oprah
Opera
Liberache
Rod Steward
have'nt quite made it to 60...
There's a group for that
Johnny Cash
Joan Jett
Joe Jackson
Boy George
Opera